Anger

Anger runs in my family. Repressed emotions fly out like steam from a kettle. I do not know anyone who has not felt anger at one point of his/her life.

It is a tremendous feeling, if observed and not acted upon. I am angry right now. The reason is not important. The fact that i can view it from a third person view is amazing. I can feel it burning through the insides of me. I decided to write because unexpressed emotions tend to make me low, and i do not want to be low.

It is like this beast sitting inside of me trying to pounce at anything. What is the best way to let go this anger ? Does it not have to be expressed in some form or the other ? Or does it need to be replaced. As i am typing, i am trying to smile and take deep breaths, hoping it will help. Writing is helping. But, that too is expression right ? But it is a positive expression - it is an analysis, a study and not a reaction.

To be so intensely aware of anger - it is so true that anger is represented by fire, by something loud - because my insides are on fire and I feel like the only way to get rid of it is by doing something loud. Instead, i am able to contain myself to my quilt.

It is not entirely impossible for people to do unbelievable things in anger - it is powerful. Lust fuels longing and listlessness, anger fuels fire and urgent need for action.

It is a remarkable experience I am having with my anger. But I have had enough now. I will try and dim the cause, which is a television glaring with current politics discussion. :)

Frozen and Scared

Stuck in snow, in sand, in marsh :

marshmallows are over, sorry. 

frozen and scared:

cold meat in cold basement.

Whats there in your basement ?

Enough firewood to see it through ?

frozen and scared:

Look back - but to what ?

Whats there inside of you ?

Stripper - strip it out. 

frozen and scared:

like peas in poly bags.

What screams within -

Death ? Death ? Death ?

frozen and scared:

That's how the dead lie.

Nothing to look back to.

a dream to march to.

tears to shed and sweat to burn

you have no time to lay

frozen and scared.

Cry now, child. 

Let it go.

My Lover

Breathe.

Breathe again.

I can hear the buzzing of silence.

It moves from across my right to my left. It throbs like the pounding chest of a lover.

And like the lover, I struggle to breathe deeply.

In this silence, I am naked, as is the lover.

So many of me, but the lover only one.

~

Breathe.

Breathe again.

The screen of my eyelids contract - dancing patterns of flame I see

There are so many of me - wailing, trailing, despairing

But my lover I can see - like a beacon in the storm

that keeps me going:

One lover of mine, and thus

just one of me. 

~

Don't let me fly my lover:

but make my thoughts soar high,

circle the clouds, flutter around and then

quietly perch upon the branch that is your arm:

sturdy as ever

Keeo me forever grounded, for

this is where I belong.

~

Give me, my lover, the courage,

like the shoulders of yours give my ailing heart,

to be true to me, and you

for we are one. 

To be here, foot on ground

head held high,

thoughts playing in the breeze of joy.