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Some things never change. 

When i was 74 kilos, I felt fat. Now I am 92 kilos. I still feel fat. 

2 years back my life was in shambles. 2 years on I know i have come a long way. The fight will never end. 

They called me fat before, and they do so now. 

It affected me then, it affects me now. 

Some things never change. 

~

People will make fun of others. Fun of their looks, their ways, their attitude.

People with grit will always move on. Always.

There will always be something in you that some one other can criticize.

There will always be a beautiful you, a you that is you. 

Some things never change. 

~

I have not always lived for what i believe, but i have tried : I will not always live for what I believe, but i will try.

I have hated me for the opinions i keep for myself : I still do 

I have fought to change my life, and I always will

I have expressed the way I feel, and i always will.

Some things never change.

~

But I will always do :

I will love me, because I am important to me

I will chase my dreams, because without them there is no me

I will hold me, because there is always a way

I will do anything for me : and I need no reason for that. 

Some things never change.

~

But

There are many things that can be changed.

Anger

Anger runs in my family. Repressed emotions fly out like steam from a kettle. I do not know anyone who has not felt anger at one point of his/her life.

It is a tremendous feeling, if observed and not acted upon. I am angry right now. The reason is not important. The fact that i can view it from a third person view is amazing. I can feel it burning through the insides of me. I decided to write because unexpressed emotions tend to make me low, and i do not want to be low.

It is like this beast sitting inside of me trying to pounce at anything. What is the best way to let go this anger ? Does it not have to be expressed in some form or the other ? Or does it need to be replaced. As i am typing, i am trying to smile and take deep breaths, hoping it will help. Writing is helping. But, that too is expression right ? But it is a positive expression - it is an analysis, a study and not a reaction.

To be so intensely aware of anger - it is so true that anger is represented by fire, by something loud - because my insides are on fire and I feel like the only way to get rid of it is by doing something loud. Instead, i am able to contain myself to my quilt.

It is not entirely impossible for people to do unbelievable things in anger - it is powerful. Lust fuels longing and listlessness, anger fuels fire and urgent need for action.

It is a remarkable experience I am having with my anger. But I have had enough now. I will try and dim the cause, which is a television glaring with current politics discussion. :)

Frozen and Scared

Stuck in snow, in sand, in marsh :

marshmallows are over, sorry. 

frozen and scared:

cold meat in cold basement.

Whats there in your basement ?

Enough firewood to see it through ?

frozen and scared:

Look back - but to what ?

Whats there inside of you ?

Stripper - strip it out. 

frozen and scared:

like peas in poly bags.

What screams within -

Death ? Death ? Death ?

frozen and scared:

That's how the dead lie.

Nothing to look back to.

a dream to march to.

tears to shed and sweat to burn

you have no time to lay

frozen and scared.

Cry now, child. 

Let it go.