There are always so many more reasons for not doing something than for doing it. Whatever it is, we seem to be (or at least I do) always waging a war with ourselves. Sometimes I think the person who said that - "The world resides within you, not without", was bang on. I mean, it's always so much me, me and me. (at least for me)
Am I correct ? Am I doing the right thing ? Should I be doing it ? What am I ? What is my purpose ? b.l.a.h.
Whenever faced with a problem or a difficulty, I was always told that it would sort out on its own. I never figured out how. What I figured (or rather am figuring ) out is the fact that we have many more choices than we actually figure ! Every moment we are making tiny choices that affect us. I know it is obvious, but I find it profound and scary.
I mean, to think that every moment for the past so many years that I have lived, I have made choices without being conscious of (or blissfully ignorant of, (same thing)), and that they have directly influenced my life, makes me shudder. Because every time I look back at myself in the moment that just passed, I see a stupid me. So either I am getting wiser or I am constantly stupid. Or maybe becoming stupider to the point that my apparent relative 'wiseness' in the previous moment seems to me, utterly stupid.
So why do we fight with ourselves ? When we have a craving for chocolates and we are able to resist that for , say a week, we feel so elated. Victorious. But victory against whom ? Against the one who wanted to have it, which is the same person. So I win. And I lose too. (that is, if we assume that a victory for someone necessarily means defeat for some other ones).
We are told not to compete with others. But to compete with ourselves and beat ourselves. Why? It seems as though that gives us a long lasting pleasure. (I know that by experience)
Funny little things that bug me like the irritating sound of the wood termite eating wood. (I am not sure if it eats, though.)
Sometimes I feel like there are some thousand people residing inside me, each having their own individual opinion and they keep talking to me in the head. This and that. That and this. Wow. It's not a particularly well orchestred conversation. Cacophony, more oft.
Are we all Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hydes ? The murderers, the rapists, the child abusers, the terrorists, the pope, the caring mother, the 'good' people - is each of them a result of the victory of one over the other ? Does a rapist have within him the person who would lovingly tend his own mother or daughter ? Gandhi had a lot of issues with self control. (apart from other things) Or was he designed/engineered by circumstance to be such ?
Or in general, do mistakes actually happen unknowingly ? Or do we simply turn deaf to the part of us that lets us know what a mistake is, and what is not.
Are we all willful sinners ?
Am I correct ? Am I doing the right thing ? Should I be doing it ? What am I ? What is my purpose ? b.l.a.h.
Whenever faced with a problem or a difficulty, I was always told that it would sort out on its own. I never figured out how. What I figured (or rather am figuring ) out is the fact that we have many more choices than we actually figure ! Every moment we are making tiny choices that affect us. I know it is obvious, but I find it profound and scary.
I mean, to think that every moment for the past so many years that I have lived, I have made choices without being conscious of (or blissfully ignorant of, (same thing)), and that they have directly influenced my life, makes me shudder. Because every time I look back at myself in the moment that just passed, I see a stupid me. So either I am getting wiser or I am constantly stupid. Or maybe becoming stupider to the point that my apparent relative 'wiseness' in the previous moment seems to me, utterly stupid.
So why do we fight with ourselves ? When we have a craving for chocolates and we are able to resist that for , say a week, we feel so elated. Victorious. But victory against whom ? Against the one who wanted to have it, which is the same person. So I win. And I lose too. (that is, if we assume that a victory for someone necessarily means defeat for some other ones).
We are told not to compete with others. But to compete with ourselves and beat ourselves. Why? It seems as though that gives us a long lasting pleasure. (I know that by experience)
Funny little things that bug me like the irritating sound of the wood termite eating wood. (I am not sure if it eats, though.)
Sometimes I feel like there are some thousand people residing inside me, each having their own individual opinion and they keep talking to me in the head. This and that. That and this. Wow. It's not a particularly well orchestred conversation. Cacophony, more oft.
Are we all Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hydes ? The murderers, the rapists, the child abusers, the terrorists, the pope, the caring mother, the 'good' people - is each of them a result of the victory of one over the other ? Does a rapist have within him the person who would lovingly tend his own mother or daughter ? Gandhi had a lot of issues with self control. (apart from other things) Or was he designed/engineered by circumstance to be such ?
Or in general, do mistakes actually happen unknowingly ? Or do we simply turn deaf to the part of us that lets us know what a mistake is, and what is not.
Are we all willful sinners ?
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